Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
