She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
