I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
