my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
