Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize