Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
