I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
