Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
