i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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