We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
