And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
