Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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