Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
