Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
