A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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