I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
