I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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