I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
