We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
