it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Say something about gay babies.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
