It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
