we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
