then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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