College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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