dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
