I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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