Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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