Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
