Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
YAS. BRING CRAB.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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