On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
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