wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
