this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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