Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Someone shit on the floor
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
