At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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