Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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