i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
