I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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