we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
