Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
