If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
