we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
