I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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