one two three fourrrrnication!
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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