you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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