May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
