***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
