Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
