her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
