Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
