Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
