i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize