He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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