Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
