ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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