the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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