let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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