The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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