Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize