We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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