At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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