I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Randomize