He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
