She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
