so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
