To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
