That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
