She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
