We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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