can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
