Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
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