Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
