I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
