Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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