HIV tests are more positive than that guy
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
