What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
