Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
