birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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