One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
