There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
