dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
