Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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