Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Please don't give away my fajitas
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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