I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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