This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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