Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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