I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
