Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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