i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
