The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
