Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
