he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize