I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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