Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
