if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
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