i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
