our cab driver is having phone sex.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
