I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
