i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Randomize
