2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
