I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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