I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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