awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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