dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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