I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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