went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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