I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
