At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
