sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
