Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
i out mim tonsoeep
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
