ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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