so explain again why im purple
no
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
