Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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