i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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