goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
