a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
