don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
