Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
