He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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