So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
