I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
